" I got my mojo back. 
         REALLY! "
       __________________________

Joan writes: 

Lindzey started out doing in-person sessions with me in Emeryville.  When she moved to Chicago we switched to meeting via Skype video.  

During our first session, Lindzey was wary, mostly because she'd had several unpleasant counseling experiences, which she talks about below.  But we soon fell into a very easy, co-creative groove.  So much so, that when she got a new kitten, she brought Kiki with her to one of our sessions.  My own cats got really excited; they think they're therapists, and they finally had a client of their own.

I was 22 when I first came to see Joan.
At the time, I was living at home and wanting to establish independence from my parents. Twice before I had tried to move out and make it on my own, but then had given up and moved back in with my mother.  I was also on the verge of getting out of an intense and difficult relationship.

Mostly, I was trying to figure out the big picture of where I wanted to be and how to get there. I did have a fuzzy idea of what I was looking for, but I didn't know how to pin it down or reach it.  I wanted help with that.

Just before I saw Joan, I had done a few sessions with a traditional therapist, but her responses to me were very surfacey and superficial.  She kept saying things like:  "It's not about you,"  and  "Ten years from now you won't even remember that."  That seemed so obvious to me.  What I wanted was to find out what in me was getting me so upset about those things. 

I'm also a very spiritual person, very interested in working with energies, and the previous counselor dismissed all that sort of stuff as irrational.

I told my mom, "It's not working, I need someone who can go deeper, who can set aside book learning, who understands my spirituality, who is more open, who isn't judgmental.  I need to talk to someone who can help me work on problems, without treating me as if I am the problem."


In addition to that other therapist, I'd had counseling experiences in the past, and they were all really bad.  So much so that if I hadn't been kind of at wit's end, I might not have wanted put myself in position of asking for help again.

The first experience, a long time ago, was family therapy.  That therapist had been my teacher in elementary school and she kept talking about what I was like when I was little, which really bothered me.

At age 13, I had a therapist who allied herself with my parents and told them about everything -- really personal stuff about crushes and things like that.  She'd tell my dad things, and then he would yell at me!  After that I stopped trusting adults altogether.

I had a hard time coping with my parents' divorce, so they sent me to psychotherapists who decided I was anxious and depressed, and put me on medications.  They kept diagnosing me, but I didn't think I was the problem, I just thought I had lots of issues. I would have liked to have been able to talk to someone like one person speaking with another person.  I wanted to be seen as a person, not as a problem that needed fixing, especially with medication.

It wasn't all the therapists' fault though.  There's a lot about me that makes me a    not-so-good fit for traditional therapies or coaching models.

I have a big problem with authority figures telling me what to do.  What I want are options and possibilities.  I found traditional therapy to be very black and white, yes and no, with no middle ground.

Also, I am deeply interested in something bigger than just mind and body: a higher self or spiritual dimension energies.  I've done stuff like Reiki, as long as I can remember, and I am aware of the spiritual aspect of things.  I don't want to be told that this is insignificant or crazy.

I have a quirky take on the world, and not every counselor gets that.  I need someone who goes with the flow, who is relaxed, not threatened, who has new ways to work.

Although I don't like being told what to do, I don't like hearing "hmm, hmm" all the time either.  When I talk to someone, I want to get something interesting back. I want the other person to meet and match my intelligence, and mirror ideas back to me from a fresh perspective, beyond what I could have figured out alone, or with my friends.

It's important for me to feel as if the other person can keep up with my rush of ideas, and show me something that I couldn't already see for myself -- a new view or perspective that I didn't already have.  I need creative and intuitive reflection which leads to new angles on things. An original take on complicated situations.  Feedback that I can get something useful out of. 

Before I met Joan I thought that counseling or coaching was all about going straight from problem to solution.  Now I think of it as focusing on the evolution of the person. 

Joan was interested in getting to solutions, but she was even more concerned about helping me turn back into myself, tap into my creativity and spirituality, and find my own path. 

Now, I have a whole new sense of what helping someone is all about.  So much so that I'm now interested in being a coach or counselor myself, while before, I was totally against it.

One of the things I like about working with Joan is that she really gets me.  She has a way of knowing what I need, and which methods to pull out of her hat.

Some people can work only one way, but Joan is really good at adapting to individual clients.  She adapted to me:  I'm stubborn, and I can seem resistant, but that didn't seem to bother her at all.  

When Joan first heard that I had been on drugs and that I had dropped out of high school, she didn't freak out, or judge me about that.  She seemed to see it as my "alternative path."


I especially appreciate Joan's ability to individualize responses and techniques to
match who I am and what I need.  There's a co-creativeness and friendliness to how we work together ? like we're on the same team.  

Joan's own creativity reconnects me to my own creativity.  We don't just focus on problems, we also have conversations about art projects.  

The creative aspects of our work together are not just about artistic creativity though -- the inner work that we do also feels very creative, new, stimulating -- mainly because we use a lot of different techniques. 

Tapping, hypnotherapy, TAT, Focusing, art therapy -- all those methods that go beyond just talk -- that feels very creative too.  And I like that Joan doesn't just use these techniques with me, but she also teaches me how to use them at home, on my own, even in the middle of stressful situations. I love learning things that I can take home and apply to my life.

Something else I want to talk about.  I went through an enormous crisis: an unexpected pregnancy in the middle of a very stressful relationship situation.  I didn't know what to do, needed to figure out what my options were, needed to be validated for my choice, whatever it turned out to be.  Because of my spirituality, I don't believe in abortion, even though I wasn't ready to raise a child alone either.    

My hormones were spiky -- the situation and relationship drama were immense -- Joan was a steadying force.

She calmly laid out how each option might possibly play out into the future.  She guided me through all my options, including single parenting and adoption. She helped me to believe that it was my body and my decision, and she never let on what her opinion or bias was.  I still don't know.

I have to admit that our sessions -- even when I'm really struggling with things -- are also fun.  This is something that I really wasn't expecting. I get pumped up to see Joan, even when I'd prefer to avoid dealing with what's bugging me.

There are so many benefits that I've gotten from our work together.  I'll just list some of them, although I'm sure I'm leaving something out!

1.  I got into a career field that I'm really excited about.

2.  Once a high school drop-out, I'm in college now, working toward a teaching credential.

3.  I'm independent from my parents, living alone for a few years, and now with my partner in another state.  My independence feels grounded and consistent, and I'm comfortable being on my own.

4.  I've always been assertive, but I've learned how to be assertive in a graceful way, instead of just blasting people.

5.  I feel like I can balance accommodating both my needs and other people's needs, and keeping my boundaries.

6.  I'm getting along so much better with my parents as individual human beings -- especially at standing my ground in a fair way with my father, and being more empathic with my mother.  I'm expressing softness.  Joan helped me to understand them.

7.  I'm now in a serious committed relationship, and find that I can assess what my needs are and communicate them in a way that's not dramatic.

It's really important, because I had to let go of resentment that I had toward him from past negative experiences.  I work on changing myself, not changing him, and I learned how stay out of the blame game.  It's OK to be angry, but then I get past it, and move forward into a positive place.

8.  Another benefit had to do with surgery that I needed.  Because I was terrified of giving control to the surgeon, I had to do lots of inner prep work about letting go, and trusting. I really needed help getting ready for the surgery, and the surgery went really well.

9.  I've had a creative revival, turning toward positive creative outlets, instead of toward self-destructive outlets like drugs and drama.  Now I turn toward spiritual and artistic outlets of self-expression.

10.  I was able to reduce my antidepressants almost all the way, and get off anti-anxiety medication altogether.

11.  I learned that I have to want to work on myself and put in as much work as the counselor puts in.  I really like doing that now.  What helped was how safe I felt.

12.  I do self-therapy at home using lots of techniques that Joan taught me.

13.  This is big:  I got my mojo back.  Really!   I love Joan's word Mojotivity.  To me it means gaining control of myself.  Self-empowerment.  Regaining the spark in my life: being alive and eager to face the world head on.

I'm enthusiastic about recommending Joan to friends, family or co-workers.  She is really open, easy to dialog with, aware of mind-body-spiritual aspects.  She dives deep into stuff ... she's very creative ... very non-traditional ... non-abrasive.

But don't think that she's too woo-woo either,  because she is also really down to earth, practical, logical, analytic, intelligent, sharp, quick. She gives grounding feedback, is very adaptable.  Considers client's needs and adapts her methods to that.

The physical environment of Joan's space is very warm and inviting.  I like seeing her stuff -- the artwork, the rattles, the drums.  And I love her cats.  The whole set-up is very nurturing, not like a cold therapy office.  She also has a very nurturing, safe, caring attitude.

Sometimes, instead of calling herself a coach or counselor, Joan calls herself a Life Sherpa.  To me, this means that she is an Inner Journey Guide.  Guides help you to understand and know yourself.  They help you to encounter yourself.  I've been working with my inner spirit guides, so to me "guide" means evolution and progress. 

Joan is an outer, physically manifested guide, while my spirit guides are inside me.

You don't need to wait until you have a huge problem in order to benefit from working with Joan.  It can be an ongoing, rich, growth experience.  You don't need to be in crisis before you decide to check her out.  Often the best sessions happened when I didn't know in advance what I was going to talk about.

I tell my friends that now I see that life is a work in progress, and you can always benefit from self-work.

 

_____________________

"Joan's work is like having an eraser that simply removes problems.

Once you work on a problem you can easily forget that it was a problem, because it's completely gone!"

Cathy Hedgecock,
journalist